She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
