Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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