Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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