Just fell off a train. Bad.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
