standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
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