I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
