id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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