my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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