I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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