Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
