What tipped you off? The sombrero?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
