i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
