Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
