Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
