Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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