The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
