Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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