All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I smell like Dick and happiness
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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