Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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