got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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