my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
