apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
