i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
