My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
