Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
