He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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