just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
