Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
