I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
