Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
