The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
