Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
