I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
