dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
