We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
