My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i drank out of a bidet.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
