he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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