I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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