Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
