i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
soo... how was my night?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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