so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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