I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
