Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
