It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
