Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
