it wasn't lemon gatorade
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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