i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
