I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
