He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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