I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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