He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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